Who do you say that I am?

I‘m so impressed with Jesus.

Does that seem funny to say?

While reading the book of Mark several times now I have had a lot of thoughts- a lot of reactions which might be confusing if I write all of them down here.
The big thing that hit me at about the third reading is something a classmate expressed really well. She said, “the Jesus that we pray to? He’s the same guy we’re reading about right now.” For me it was more of a feeling or a kind of paradigm shift. Reading this “action” gospel, this telling of the ministry of Jesus which uses the word “immediately” so much as to be comical, I was suddenly reading a letter written by a friend about a friend. It stopped being a history book or even a “holy” book and became a first hand account of a man I know well. He is right here.

With this in mind, the story becomes both funnier and harder to read. His disciples, for instance, are unbearably slow to understand. He comes to them walking on the water one night. Walking. On. Water. It says in Mark 6 that the disciples are in a boat, crawling along under wind and that Jesus was walking on the water and “meant to pass by them”. Wait. What? He’s just out for a late night stroll on the lake??? He would have just meandered past them but they see him and freak out. So he gets in the boat and the wind calms. Then? The disciples are “utterly astounded”. By the walking on water and His control over the wind? No. They are astounded about the loaves of bread that had been multiplied earlier. Huh?

What is telling is that by this point Jesus had done A LOT of miracles. He’s healing people, casting out demons, walking on water, calming storms with the words of his mouth and they’re like “man, that was a lot of bread!”

It’s also harder to read because while Jesus is giving value to broken people- people who are so desperate for what Jesus has….(The woman with the 12 years of bleeding? The man possessed by the legion of demons? The blind man in Bethsaida that Jesus leads by the hand out of the village to heal? I hear their voices- “If I only touch His robe I will be healed”, “Please can I go with you, Jesus?!”
And I see his face. His face is looking right at them, searching the crowd, knowing their hearts. Jews, Gentiles, tax collectors, religious leaders, fishermen, demon possessed, paralyzed, blind. )
All of that and then he is betrayed. And then he is arrested and put on trial, mocked and murdered. This time I read the story and feel so angry and upset that  this was done to my friend.

To the disciples in chapter 8 Jesus asks, “Do you not yet understand?” Yes, there is miraculous provision. Yes, I will heal sickness.  But will your heart turn to me? Will you believe? When I offer my hand will you take it? Or, like the Pharisees will you get caught up in your religion or like Herod will you stay caught in your world of people pleasing and parties?

Currently one of my favorite songs is by Misty Edwards. She sings “He’s not a baby in a manger anymore. He’s not a broken man on a cross. He didn’t stay in the grave and He’s not staying in heaven forever….. He’s alive!”

Do you understand? Are you ready?

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Relentless Mercies

Today was so incredible and I’m not sure if I can put it into words that will do it justice.

For a start, last night was not good. Bad zombie nightmare and then no sleeping… bad dreams  for my roommate as well and for the kid who lives next door to us (my roommate heard him screaming after she woke up from her nightmare).

But when I woke up very early to work out, I was full of excitement. I refused to let a bad night influence such a day as today.

Just in the introductions this morning I felt an almost overwhelming gratitude rising up in me. I admit I got choked up several times.
Then during worship (which involves the whole base) they all prayed for us students and our staff. I had four different people pray for me things that God has been speaking to me in the last few weeks- using specific words He had used to me. I just stood with my head bowed, nodding and crying because again, God is so good and faithful and generous. He speaks and all of His plans are good….

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Words with a Pulse

I‘m undergoing some serious change here. I want to put it into words and share it but I’m not sure where to start.

One thing God is doing is making His word (you know, the Bible) like this living, breathing creature I carry around in my purse. I open it and it SPEAKS. Have you ever read a book that described something so vividly that you could picture it like a scene played out before you in 3D? It’s kind of like that, only it’s like I look at the words on the page (usually I’m reminded of a small piece- a phrase like “for the joy set before him”… and so I go to see what the words around the phrase mean) and it’s like they are being spoken into my ear and piercing deep into my heart.

The other day I was watching part of this video series called The Truth Project  and the guy quoted Philippians 3:7-11. As soon as I heard this (verses I’ve heard many times in the past) I practically jumped up and shouted.
Now you probably think I’m crazy but it struck me as exactly where I am and what I want.

Exactly….

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The Meaning of Life

Continuing with thoughts from Perelandra… here is something I’ve been meaning to share for a few weeks. The way I have been spending my time has not lent itself much to reading and with school coming I must make time to read, but probably not this great book.

As you may know, Ransom spent the first book of the “space trilogy” on a planet called Malacandra- which we know as Mars. It is his and our introduction to  life on other planets. While he is there, he becomes close with a particular “tribe” of beings. He learns their language and their ways which serve to be part of the reason he is commissioned to take another trip in the second book….

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Life: Take Two

Sometimes life moves so fast that I feel like I am walking in slow motion. And so it is right now.

Coming to Colorado in January was, what felt like, a huge risk. I even gave myself an “out”… while I felt like God was saying “just try it!” I was saying “Fine! But don’t expect me to like it there”. Which is ridiculous in the extreme. Now that I’ve been back here for around 7 weeks I see how silly and unimaginative my perspective was. Granted, I was struggling with depression and getting to spend time with some of the dearest, best people on the planet.

It is hard to see daylight when you’re huddled up in the dark with good friends. My friends, how I love you.

And what of Colorado? In some ways it’s not so different here at the YWAM base than it was at the camp in Washington. Reach out in any direction and there sits a friend. Look around even just briefly and see ways to help, love and serve.

Now I am again on the verge of something that feels like a huge risk. After praying with and being challenged by a friend the other day, I started moving ahead with one possibility here. The School of Biblical Studies. I’m not sure if I can follow the path of this idea, or if it would even be interesting to read. Mainly I have wanted to do the school for a long time but always felt like I would not be capable of the work required. It’s pretty intense. 9 months of studying the Bible in depth and in entirety….

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